Why Do Men Stop Being Attentive & Romantic?

I’d like to tell you a parable. It’s a story about a man named Bob.

Bob had lost his job and was in the market for a new job. He sent out resumes and got some interviews.

Early Monday morning, Bob showed up at an interest in his best suit, with his biggest smile, firmest handshake, and best show of confidence and eagerness that he could muster.

He got a call back! Yes!

He aced the second interview and got invited to interview with a group of manager who could then offer him the job.

He showed up at the third interview ready to blow them away.

And he did. Bob got the job!

He told all of his friends and even had dinner out to celebrate.

A month later, his alarm clock went off, and he slapped snooze. He didn’t really feel like going to work.

With a sigh, he swung his feet out of bed and got ready. Another day, another dollar. He needed a vacation.

 

And what is the point of this parable?

Well, men see dating like job interviews. Or hunting in the jungle. Or whatever analogy you need to visualize to understand…

They’re after a goal. It’s a project. They have an end point in mind, and they’re going for the goal.

Now you get it.

The man wins the woman and his job is done.

Yay him! He did it! He won the game. Now it’s time for a beer and a nap. (Probably while you’re cleaning the house.)

And you, the woman, are standing there saying through gritted teeth, “What the….”  (You can fill in your preferred words!)

Do you know what I mean? You must, you’re reading this article trying to figure out way your man was so romantic and attentive, and then suddenly he wasn’t.

 

A Real Story…

Parables aside, we get it. Nicole met Stephen online and they chatted a little bit.

It wasn’t as much as normal, but he wanted to take her out, and he seemed really charming and funny. So she went.

He was there already, and she walked by the table and looked down. He looked up, smiling.

It was love at first sight. He was funny. He was entertaining. He was super interested in her. And he was fun!

They had sushi and then went out for drinks and pool. He pulled her close and asked to kiss her.

Stephen swept her off her feet, so much that in a few months he asked her to move in with him.

She had found her soul-mate.

So they did get a place together. Things seemed fine for a few days.

But after a week, Nicole felt lonely and sad.  Stephen seemed to be working a little more than he did before, and when he got home he was so tired he just wanted to veg in front of the TV, watching shows and playing games.

Stung, she pulled back. They ended up spending their evenings at home, apart.

It broke her heart.

She couldn’t make sense of it. Why on earth had he asked her to move in if he didn’t even want to spend time around her?

She was baffled, and she’s not alone. Many women have had similar experiences, although not always so extreme.

Sometimes the honeymoon phase wears off, or he seems to grow distant after you commit.

What is going on?

 

Why do Men Stop being Attentive?

As I illustrated, men win their prize and then they don’t realize that they need to continue making you feel special.

If asked about it, the man might even say, “She knows I love her.”

What he means is: I showed her I loved her, and then I won her over, and now it’s a fact. I don’t have to prove it anymore.

Here is the big issue:

Men woo women so they can stop wooing them.

Women want a man to commit so he can be there to woo her.

We’re on opposite sides of this thing and don’t understand the other point of view.

 

What Can You Do About It?

First, if he loves you, he loves you.

But you need to feel it, and you’ll have to explain that to him.

If your man can realize that a few sweet things go a long way, he’ll do more of them.

So talk to him, and then notice his efforts and acknowl3edge them.

Men tend to do more of what they are praised for. So complaining and nagging about something will make him do it less.

I know, so annoying!

But if you praise him and really thank him for being there for you, listening to you, doing things with you, he’ll want to do more of those things.

If you need to, picture him like a puppy dog. Give him treats when he’s a good boy. Just don’t tell him I said that!

You can also keep him interested by being a little mysterious. Don’t tell him everything. Don’t try to spend all of your time with him.

Be flirty too. Relationships are really about how someone makes us feel, so if you send him a racy text while he’s at work or a pic of your new pretty panties, he’ll get excited.

You can keep the romance alive by being fun, flirty, and teasing him.

It’s also good to have open communication.

When Nicole finally talked to Stephen and told him she was moving out, he was shocked. He couldn’t believe she was unhappy.

Somehow, although he was a grown man, he had no clue that her needs weren’t being met, and that she needed interaction.

He felt horrible and made a new commitment to making her feel special.

Sometimes men need a little help seeing and understanding our needs!